“Stay in it man, lust is not your answer!” – My Counselor
Loneliness has hit me over the head like a two by four.
I’m about a week away from Spring Break and Spring Break means vacation. Vacation means seeing my girls. But instead of feeling anxious excitement, I feel heavy loneliness.
Maybe it’s because I have heard nothing back from a friend I attempted to reach out to about a week ago. Maybe it’s because my ex is dating someone and I am not. Maybe it’s because the amount of calls I am receiving from guys in the program have decreased dramatically as of late. Maybe it’s because I went to a live show last night and noticed all the couples embracing as the artists performed.
The Phones are Ringing
I am restless – Ring!
I am irritable – Ring!
I am discontented – Ring!
About a year ago I wrote a blog giving an analogy of ignoring the phone call whenever lust rang. That blog may have been a noble attempt on my part to separate myself from my disease, but it’s not an air tight analogy by any means!
You see what I have learned after being in SA for a year and two months is if lust is the only phone I can hear, eventually I always pick up. Step 1 tells me that I have no choice in the matter. But if I have other phones ringing whenever loneliness kicks in, whenever I am experiencing the dreaded R.I.D. – then I have a chance.
This morning I had two rings in my head. One was lust and one was God. I have chosen to pick up the lust line SO many times throughout my life and let the God line ring off the hook. This morning was different – and it’s proof that we indeed still live in the age of miracles. An addict that can actually ignore a craving? Well I don’t believe I have the ability to ignore a lust craving but I do have the ability to stay connected to God DURING the craving.
I picked up the God phone and let the other ring:
I prayed – Ring!
I made calls – Ring!
I texted my counselor – Ring!
Eventually the ringing stops.