Psalms 46:10: “Be still and know that I am God.”
Tomorrow is the final day of the first academic quarter at my new school.
What a blur! To say that it flew by would be a massive understatement. Time flies when you’re having fun I suppose. That was what my Dad always said anyway. I also think time flies when you stay busy. And boy have I been busy of late. Lesson planning, grading, going to meetings, helping with pre-season conditioning for the girls basketball program, serving on the host team at church, watching football games, going to more meetings……
The list goes on and on on. About a week ago or so you could say that the hustle and bustle of life slowed down a bit and I felt God speak to me in a clear and authentic way. It was a Saturday and I had just finished skyping with my daughters. I sat in the kitchen area and was listening to music as I began to mentally map out my day and the rest of my weekend.
Many Saturdays I race out to Pearl (my car) and start Ubering to make as much extra money as possible. Not that day though. I needed to take it easy, I needed to be still. Many times I keep busy to combat my loneliness and to silence any shame that whispers in my ear. I am able to shut out those feelings (at least for a time) by diving into my work or attending all the social events to which I am invited. What’s interesting is that I am more lonely at certain social events then if I had just stayed home!
Why is that?
Because as cliche as it might sound there is only one who can help me face loneliness and pain. And yes He often chooses to connect with me through others (especially in the program). But that day I needed to sit in my apartment and let loneliness remind me that I need contact with my Higher Power. If I am too busy for Him then I am not staying spiritually sober. My physical and mental sobriety stems from how spiritually connected I am. It all starts with that for me.
So I poured out my soul to God and told Him how I was feeling. I let go. I was still. And that brought a peace that I will never understand. That brought a healing to my wounded heart that none of the substitutes have ever provided. This made me realize that connection to God and others brings the spiritual and mental health that I need on a daily basis to stay sober. Nothing else can do it. Going to church, applying will-power, reading books, or anything of the like can never alone keep me sober.
Only God can.
So I will fly out to see my angels in less than 48 hours. And I am still. I am not restless, I am not anxious and I am not fearful. I may be in 48 hours but for right now I am living for today – and today I am gratefully sober.