Life Under Construction

The crane is a permanent fixture of the Nashville skyline. In case you are unaware, Nashville, Tennessee is one of the fastest growing cities in the entire country. It’s an exciting time to be living here for sure. If you are in the construction or real estate fields then you are loving life. If you have to commute a long way to work each day then you are hating life.

Zipping around downtown with Pearl, I have seen many construction sites and for drivers it can pose some unexpected delays or detours. This is a little frustrating if you are just driving yourself but the anxiety increases a bit when you are getting paid to drop off passengers in the most efficient way possible. My GPS app is pretty awesome but she doesn’t always know about a certain street temporally closing!

My life in recovery is a lot like the city of Nashville in this sense. I can feel real, authentic growth happening pretty much on a daily basis. I am being challenged and fed spiritually by my pastor. I am going to SA meetings each week. I go to therapy once a week. I am working the steps with a group of men and also independently with my sponsor. I am growing. But that growth is not easy and it comes with a lot of work and on occasion with some added frustrations and delays. I am frustrated at the moment that I feel like my friendships (outside SA) are very limited. I still struggle putting others first. I am frustrated that I may never know true intimacy with a woman.

I am frustrated because my disease is still fighting. R.I.D. is still in me.

Growth also must be sustainable – built for the long run. Not too long ago it was estimated that China had more working cranes inside its borders than the rest of the world combined. I’m not totally sure if that statistic was true to be honest but if you’ve been to China in the last decade you might be inclined to believe it. The problem with the extreme transformation that took place in many Chinese cities was a lack of sustainability. The “build it and they will come” model did not always pan out and as a result there are many ghost cities that may never be populated.

I don’t want to end up a ghost town. I want the growth inside me to be at the right pace and to never burn out. I want it to be sustained. So far Nashville and other cities like it are finding ways to sustain growth. One way Nashville is sustaining its growth is developing at the rate of the population increase.

Lately I have been enjoying sobriety and all of the growth attached to it but understanding that these changes are not temporary. The skyline of my life is shifting and changing to form a new me forever. This recovery thing is not a quick fix but a long process of laying a foundation and putting systems into place so that I can rely on them moving forward.

BrokenYetRedeemed

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