Liv: “You need to stop calling.”
Fitz: “I think after all we’ve been through, you can give me an hour to talk. I deserve that!”
Liv: “After what you did, you don’t deserve anything!”
(Liv puts the phone on her desk and smashes it to bits)
Dude that knows them both well: “You know that won’t make a difference. He will always find a way to reach you.”
This is an epic scene of a show I have been watching on Netflix called Scandal. For the record this episode came just after it officially jumped the shark but hey once I start something, by God, I intend to finish it!
Fitz is the President of the United States (Fitzgerald Grant) and Liv (Olivia Pope) was his mistress. Olivia ran his campaign when he first ran for president and they fell in love. Multiple years of having an affair and then the First Lady finding out leads to some obvious tension. However. Fitz keeps calling Olivia often because he claims he is still in love with her. She keeps changing her number and/or destroying her Fitz Phone but he still keeps calling and eventually she always answers. She hates herself every time she answers it too.
Fitz is the embodiment of lust. For me lust has never stopped calling since my childhood. Lust calls a lot of people and some pick up the call and some decide not to answer. Some can answer one day and be totally capable of not answering the next day. Well for me I am the Olivia Pope in this analogy and even though I want to ignore the call with every fiber of my being, I usually pick up the phone. Its like I cannot even control my finger as it pushes the talk button. It’s an automatic response. Lust trained me and like Pavlov’s dog, I respond like clockwork….until now.
Now I am finally learning how to let the phone ring until it rings itself out. It rings and it rings. I go for a run instead. It rings and I write. It rings and I go to a meeting. It rings and I reach out to my sponsor. It rings and I pray. It rings and I read. It rings and it rings and it rings some more. Sometimes I find myself on the phone and I don’t even remember how I answered it! I didn’t even know it was ringing! That it a very dangerous place to be and only by the grace of God am I able to hang up the phone before the conversation gets started. Sometimes I really want to answer the phone and look for any way possible to justify answering it. It is a miracle that I have the choice to ignore it. Sometimes out of anger I destroy the phone like Liv, only to hear the ringing once again.
Lust may very well always have the ability to call me. Lust is very powerful (yes even more powerful than the president in a Netflix show) and has cast a strong spell on me as long as I can remember. But through working the program and admitting my powerlessness, I am empowered to make a choice every day. I may not be able to choose whether or not I am an addict. But today, right now I can choose not to answer the phone.
I choose not to answer because I know what will happen if I do.