Drunk (adj.)- “Dominated by an intense feeling.”
Earlier this week one of my classes erupted into a scene straight from YouTube. Two girls (who are best friends) started arguing and the argument escalated very quickly. Let’s just say that even though I was able to prevent an all out fight, it came mighty close to getting there. In fact, somehow I got claw marks on my arm, so yeah it got pretty close to an actual fight.
I will never forget something about that incident. It was the look on the girl’s face who was instigating the argument. I came up to her quickly to try and calm her down. It was like I was completely invisible and she could see right through me. She did not acknowledge me, she did not respond to me in any way. Despite my pleas to come out to the hall and calm down, she was intent on making her self known. She was overcome with the desire to attack. She was intense.
She was drunk with rage.
I’ve had a rage problem most of my life and have only experienced marginal growth in this area (until now). I am learning more about the roots of my rage and that it stems from fear and control. Sobriety is three fold: physical, emotional and spiritual. The physical part sometimes is the easiest to maintain. The other two seem harder to determine and harder to sustain. There have been times when I had no idea why I acted out of rage or had no concept of how I impacted others. It’s because I was drunk. I was in the exact opposite state of mind as being emotionally sober. My disease causes me to be a drunkard with several vices (none of which are alcohol).
I’ve been drunk on self-centeredness. I’ve been drunk with lust, rage, etc. I’ve been a drunk most of my adult life.
K.I.P. – Keep it positive!
K.I.P. is the mantra that I promote to all my classes. They come to class with so much stress and emotional baggage and they take it out on each other and, on occasion, me! When a student is being overly negative I know its always for a reason and instead of coming down on them for what they are saying or how they are saying it I just say, “Hey, K.I.P!”
Every day I pray that I can stay sober. When I surrender that to God I am not just thinking to stay away from physical temptations. My sobriety is so much more than that. It’s feeling every emotion that comes my way. It’s seeking out ways to serve others. It’s choosing to focus on the positive aspects on my life and not obsess over the negative. It’s all that and more. Surrendering my “drunkenness” to God is the only way I can achieve happiness, peace and serenity.
It’s the only way to live.