It’s taken far too long for me to write this letter. It’s been over 20 years since we were first introduced and so parting ways will be possibly the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. It is still surreal to think of the road that led to where we are now. It has been long and taken many unpredictable turns along the way. And now here we are – at a crossroads of sorts. You continuing down the road to destruction, barreling toward death like a freighter down a mountain with no breaks. The ride certainly would be exciting but knowing where it leads I now refuse to hop on with you.
I know you will take many others on your journey but this is my stop – Nashville, TN. I like it here so I think I will stay. There is hope here, there is recovery here. There is no hope as long as I am with you.
I know that you feel I am abandoning you. I know you are not used to that. I am trying to leave you but fully abandoning you may not be possible unfortunately. You are an addiction, a cancer, a thorn. I recognize that even though we must part ways, you may always be a part of me. As tragic as that is – I have accepted it. I accept that there will be times when I here your voice in the night. Like an old cassette tape that I have listened to over and over and whose words I have memorized backwards and forwards. I know it will be difficult to tune you out some days. For years I tuned out reality and only listened to your voice. Now I must reverse this trend.
The truth is God will use your role in my life to His glory. I still don’t know how and maybe I never will but I have faith. That is the major difference between the me that gave in to you and the me that is now standing firm against you. Faith. I used to live in fear and so I bought in to your lies. I bought what you were selling because it was cheap and easy and alleviated pain. It was a quick fix. Now I commit myself to someone new. They are not like you at all. They allow me to focus on others instead of myself. They never lie to me. They never boast like you. They don’t get angry like you. They will never fail me as you have time and again.
I am taking the journey with Love. For the rest of my life. Wherever Love takes me I willingly go. It may be a more difficult journey but it leads to a much brighter and beautiful place.