“Where are you God? I’m lost.”

On the plane ride back to America from my recent visit to Korea I watched the newest Moses movie starring Christian Bale. I had mixed feelings regarding the film but this blog entry is not intended to get into that. I am no movie critic. I will say that the movie was quite powerful at times even though I’m sure many Christians will write it off as blasphemy. One such scene struck a chord inside my spirit and convicted me.

Moses had just reached the Red Sea and the Hebrews are looking to him to guide them safely through the next move. He essentially is faking it until he makes it because he has not spoken with God in several scenes. Then Moses panicked and in a private place finally called out to God asking Him to intervene. He demanded that God show up on his terms when he felt he needed it most. Earlier in the movie, Moses seemed indifferent to God and because He appeared as a child, did not really take God that seriously. But when Moses and his people were in danger of being trapped between a sea and a preying Ramses, Moses changed his tone and changed it quick.

This describes my relationship with God all too often. When I am hurting, confused, panicked I cry out to God, “where are you?” As if He hasn’t been there. Like I can treat Him like some genie in a bottle and summon Him whenever I think I need help.

What I fail to realize is I’m always lost. We all are like sheep. I think it’s quite poetic that Moses was a shepherd. Then when he was called to lead men, he had to rely on the ultimate Shepherd to guide him because he too was a sheep. Blind and dumb. Filled with fear and confusion. Seriously, not to self-deprecate too much but, I am so dumb. I think I have things figured out, I think I can walk the path alone. Then I get lost and like a little lamb have to cry out for help, lest I get eaten by the wolves.

“Where am I? Where am I? I am. You are not. Where are you? Where are you going without me? How many times must you choose the wrong path, the path of selfishness, isolation and pride? How many times do I need to rescue you? You don’t know do you? That’s the point. You don’t know. But I do. I know everything. I am everything. I know you. I love you. I will always be here to guide you and to comfort you, even when you are blind and cannot see me. I will never leave you and never forsake you. I have a plan and you are still a part of it. No matter how many times you fail, I will welcome you back. You are my child and that will never change.”

This is my burning bush moment. This is what God has been speaking to me. But all too often I don’t want to hear it. I don’t listen because I don’t think it’s true. I don’t listen because I don’t think I deserve what His words are speaking over me. I am the lowest of the low, God. How can You say that You love me the same as everyone else? It just can’t be. You love me as much as those who have done great things for You? The Mother Theresa’s and the Billy Graham’s? You love me as much as the innocent? As much as those who have been hurt and live in unspeakable pain because of the evil of others? I am that evil. I inflict pain and hurt. I am the villain.

I would suggest that the clearest picture of God’s love that we can experience in a tangible way is the parent/child relationship. That is the closest thing that humans have to the agape love that we learn about in Sunday school. This week those girls loved me no matter what. I could be the worst human on the planet but I’m still their Dad. And so it goes with my love for them. It will not matter what they do or don’t do in this life. They are defined as my children. That’s the bottom line and that is how God works. Boy am I lucky.

Whenever I feel lost I will take out a picture of my girls. That keeps me focused on what’s important and that will be a reminder from MY loving Father that He is always by my side.

BrokenYetRedeemed

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