This is a poem I wrote:
Walking on Water
I have clung to the edge for too long
Justifying, making excuses, crippled with fear.
I thought that to weather the storm I must grip the boat tighter
Not realizing that securing myself in the boat would doom me in the end.
The wind blew and the waves crashed
They pounded my spirit again and again.
For 20 years my life was a giant storm, an internal gale,
Invisible to the outside world, yet wreaking havoc on my spirit.
Destruction, humiliation, pain and suffering,
The storm that was once hidden has now set its sight on those around me.
It’s not just my boat that has capsized
But the boats of the people I have loved.
Like Jonah, my sin has blindsided everyone around me,
But unlike Jonah my selfish pride made me grip even tighter.
Why didn’t I throw myself from the boat to save the ones I love?
Why did I wait until the internal battle was forced out?
God has placed me in a new boat
The same waters exist, but a fresh start to battle the storm.
Free will is still an option but so is trusting Him
So every day I have a choice, to stay in the boat or to step out…